This One Time, in Nintendo Land
by got-tigers-to-feed
Summary: The best kind of self-insert fic.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

By: _queermosexticle_

I awoke in a haze, strange colors and odd smells all around me. Muffled yelling and cheering from all directions, but nothing seemed right about this. Last I recall I was eating breakfast with my family, but this was not my family's house, and this was not breakfast.

A robotic voice boomed into my head. She was shrill and unwanted, but I could not force her out.

"Welcome to Sweet Day. Here you will be collecting…" She kept going on and on, but I could not handle her voice, so I tried to drown her out. Where was I? Why was everything so colorful? What was with the cheering?

My mind was racing with all these maddening thoughts. I started to feel myself over to make sure no organs or limbs were missing. Nothing was missing from what I could tell. That was when I realized I was in some weird costume with a light, helmet-like piece on my head. What weird contraption had gotten on to me? There was a loud whistle and my vision returned to me. People in odd animal suits running around grabbing these weird colorful balls surrounded me. I felt compelled to run with them and just grab all the balls I could from these trees.

The crowds all around me were roaring and screaming as we dashed about for their apparent amusement. I kept grabbing the balls and throwing them in my helmet contraption on top of my head. I just knew I had to collect them. I was getting somewhere when I collected these orbs of light and color. A man dressed in a blue elephant costume raced past me screaming. In his dust trail were two more people, these ones with giant eating utensils, charging at me.

I tried to run, but they were too fast and they tackled me to the ground. I could feel myself leaving this plane of existence. All the lights, colors, and sounds of the world were fading away from me. In that moment, I knew I was dead. Tears streamed down my face as the darkness surrounded me. I wept for hours, never knowing what was going to happen to me. Then I heard a voice calling to me.

"Mo, you have to wake up!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

By: _OralSFX_

"Mo! Wake up, silly. Tee hee!"

I opened my eyes and saw Lora's face.

"What happened?" I said.

"The game is over now! You lost by the way," she said as she stuck her tongue out at me.

"Oh...game...right. We're in Nintendoland. I remember now."

"What ARE you going on about?" Lora looked at me with a puzzled expression.

"I...forgot what was going on... everything was just happening. I couldn't control myself."

"I see..."

After a moment, Monita popped up.

"I have an explanation," she chimed though I wished she hadn't. "There are people who have a special affinity for a particular game. They are known as ragers."

"Oh, that makes sense," I said.

"Except for the fact that you lost," said Lora.

"Right, there's that..."

A horn blared.

"It is time for the next game," Monita blared.

"Wait, where are the others?" Lora said, looking around.

"I am sure they will catch up shortly," replied Monita.

And with that, Monita whisked us up in her robotic hands and threw us up in the air.

"Oof!" I fell flat on my face. When I got up, everything was so dim I could hardly make out Lora next to me.

"Where are we?" I wondered out loud. I looked up and saw a giant spooky mansion upon a hill. "I don't like this one bit."

I turned to Lora. She smiled cheekily. This was certainly her kind of atmosphere.

Then out of nowhere a wrecking ball the size of my fist slammed into Lora's face knocking her head clean off. I tried to scream but no sound would come out. Her headless body flopped to the ground like a dead fish, spilling blood all over my shoes.

Despite what Monita said eariler, none of our other friends were anywhere to be seen. I had to get out of here.

As I started to move my feet, I fell flat on my face again. I heard a crack and knew my nose was definitely broken now. I thought I had tripped until I realized I was being dragged up the hill by some unseen force. I clawed at the dirt to no avail. After mere seconds it dropped me at the foot of the manor. A chill went up my spine just looking at it.

Shaking, I found myself standing in front of two doors twice my height. I gulped.

The doors swung open on their own. I would have jumped, but at this point I mean how could I not expect that?

"I-" SWOOOSH! The force hurled me into the foyer. Oh god, not the face again. SMASH! Goddammit that was my favorite pair of glasses(it was my only pair of glasses)! Though the inside of the house, being just as dark as the outside, I didn't think it mattered much.

The foyer was empty save for a small table in the center. Upon it stood a glass of water.

"Tee hee!"

"AUGH! What was that!? Who are you?! Where am I!? WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH BUTTERSCOTCH ANYWAY!?"

"Geez Mo, no need to be so testy! It's just me!" It was Lora's voice. She materialized before me. She was a ghost now. It figured.

"So you're a ghost now... Figures..."

"Yeah, it's pretty neat," she said, her smile telling me how blissfully unaware she was of how horrifying her death had been to me.

"So what do we-"

Monita interrupted.

"In this game, ghost and living are pitted against each other. The ghost's objective is to capture the player in the maze before time runs out. The living's objective is not to get captured until time runs out. Alternatively, the player may sap the ghost's power by shining his flashlight on her. Good luck!"

"Oh great," I said, turning to Lora, but she wasn't there. It had suddenly grown pitch black. My heart pounded as I started to panic. Didn't she say something about a flashlight? That's when I realized my hand clasped tightly around the handle of something flashlight-shaped. "Oh."

I turned it on. The whole room lit up, but it was just lightning. When it settled I realized how pathetic the little beam of light I was carrying was. I just had to avoid getting caught until time ran out, right? But she never said how long that could be...

I heard a giggle. She was in the room... maybe. My flashlight started to rumble. Uh-oh! I darted across the room through the first door I came to. Lightning flashed, revealing a long, ominous hallway before me. I thought I saw the shadow of something moving across the walls. Ugh, this wasn't any better. Taking a deep breath, I walked halfway through and felt a cold breeze lick the back of my neck. I spun and my flashlight caught Lora's face just inches from mine.

"AUGH! It burns!" She covered her face and flew off through a wall.

An earthquake erupted. I grabbed onto a wall, refusing to lose my feet any more tonight. More lightning and I could see the hallway was collapsing. I heard a crash above me. It seemed to happen in slow-motion as the ceiling collapsed. I closed my eyes. This was it.

The crash never came, but I suddenly felt like I was floating in the air. I guess I was a ghost now. I opened my eyes and found myself still alive, standing outside of the remains of the mansion.

"That was close," Lora's ghost said, floating next to me.

"Oh dear," Monita flew up from nowhere. "This was not supposed to happen. Something must have malfunctioned."

"You would think so, but no, it was I, the villain who caused this destruction!" A voice boomed from the remains, from the glass of water on the table still fully intact.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_by busterkuri_

I looked inside the glass, not sure what I was expecting to find, and inside was…Monita. Well, obviously, a very small version of Monita. And she had a dark aura around her and a jester's cap. I turned, and the regular Monita was still floating next to us.

"Yes, it is I, Dark Monita," the tiny one said. The initial booming voice must've been a trick from the crash. Her voice now was like a chipmunk given a chipmunk voice. I let out a giggle.

"Laugh while you can, dead human, for soon all of Nintendo Land will be mine! Starting with this house." She flew out of the glass in a UFO, and then threw a bunch of small capsules around. These capsules whirred before spitting out strange creatures.

"Aw, they're so cute." Lora, as usual, seemed to be completely oblivious to the situation. Not only was there an evil version of our host, but we were still ghosts. What were we going to do to save Nintendo Land this way? Well, relatively save. A few small creatures weren't exactly a huge problem.

Dark Monita flew off as Monita examined the situation. "Oh dear. These creatures were meant for the Pikmin Adventure. Oh well. I have something else meant for the Adventure." She held up a single finger. "Shazam."

The feeling that followed was…unpleasant. It was like being turned upside down, vomiting all your organs out, and then having to consume them all again only to have everything repeat. When I looked around, I seemed to be back in my body, but the wreckage was now huge. I looked at my hands and saw that I had strange red appendages.

"Hey, look at me, Mo!" Lora was wearing a spacesuit. "Haha, watch this!" She whistled, and my body was tugged towards her until I was standing on top of her. "Neat, huh?"

"Let me go!" I tried to wiggle away, but stopped when I heard a crunching noise. One of the creatures was wandering over towards us. Except it wasn't small anymore. It was towering over us. And it looked hungry. "Don't let me go!"

"AAAAAA!" Lora threw me at the creature. Out of instinct, I grabbed on to it. There was a moment of silence as the creature stared at me. I freaked out. Punching it seemed like a good thing to do, so I did that. A lot. Until it fell over, with blood spilling out of its appendages. Or so I thought. I looked closer, and it was nectar. Just a taste of it made me feel more powerful.

"I HAVE PUT YOU BACK INTO YOUR BODIES. BUT THEY ARE TINY VERSIONS OF YOUR BODIES. THIS IS THE PIKMIN ADVENTURE." Monita hovered over us. While we were tiny, she was still her normal size, and her voice was not adjusting for it. "WELL, IT WOULD BE, EXCEPT IT'S ACTUALLY MORE LIKE THE 'STOP DARK MONITA ADVENTURE'. YOU NEED TO PUT AN END TO DARK MONITA'S PLANS. I BELIEVE IN YOU. PLEASE DEFEAT THESE CREATURES, AND I WILL KEEP AN EYE ON HER ACTIVITY." She flew off before we could say anything, like, say, complain that she shrunk us instead of giving us normal-size bodies where we could just step on the enemies.

"Hey, Mo, look at that creature."

"It's dead. What about it?"

"No, I mean, it's NOT dead! It was never alive!" I looked in confusion. It was just a robot. Wait…the brochure…the Pikmin creatures were robots…and I think I saw Dark Monita? This is all too confusing. We get turned into ghosts, but now we're fine again? Is there any real danger here, or are we just in the attraction?

"Look! It's Dark Monita!" Lora pointed in the distance where Dark Monita was hovering. She tipped her hat at us, before flying off. "Come on, let's go after her!" She immediately started running off. Does Lora not find any of this worrying? For now, I decided to just follow her and play along. After all, if we can't die, what's the harm?


End file.
